This is the first time I have reached out to anyone ever. I am 25 and have delt with a plethera of the same issues I have been reading on this blog. when I was 17 my father commited suicide which left me in a super dark and deppressed state. I was forced to watch my mother sink into a shell of her former self and was forced to start taking care of WAY more then a teenager should. When I could no longer fight the good fight I started using meth to help numb myself. Fastforward 6 months i had dropped out of schooI was using daily and was starting to use other drugs as well. One day I looked at myself and thought wow get uour shit together. I started to ask for help from friends and what was left of my broken family. Now I have a wife who is everything to me, a good job and a home. Without asking for help I would be dead in a shallow grave somewhere. Take it from an ex lost cause ask for help if they love you they will not ask questions. One love.
sometimes i just think of how i got here to be so alone and depressed and unknown all the time.I wonder why was i put on earth if im just here alone i just want a bit of attention its ok to want attention …right ? i want someone to look at me and think wow shes beautiful i wanna get to know her or wow she seems pretty cool maybe we could be friends…i sit alone all the time because im scared to speak to people to talk to them because im scared of judgement im scared to get hurt like all the other times ive tried to speak i finally just gave up on trying to socialize cause when i do it ends horribly and this is on my mind so much it depresses me alot and makes me think really twisted things… i just wanna be understood
In life everything happens for a reason. I live life day by day and try to live it to the fullest. It gets hard though to deal with pain that comes into my life, expecually when i bring into my life. Makes it hard to live with the hope to get and deserve the best because I feel as though I do not. I wish I could have one chance, just one, to go back to one point in my life and just followed my heart. I just feel empty and just always hide behind my smile n glossy eyes. I’m sick of this play I put on. One moment I’m happy and the next once I step in my room and close the door I feel the world is against me for some reason. I feel trapped but when I draw, write, or when I find myself behind my camera I feel so alive. I feel like life is okay. Just wish I could have that feeling all the time. Find the secret because that feeling should never be put on the shelf.
Have you ever just walked down the halls at school and can tell everyone is looking and whispering about you? That’s what it’s like everyday at school for me. People think I am emo or seeking for attention but I am really not. They think it’s only me cutting myself but their is other things to it. No one understands at all, not even my family. I lost both of my best friends over it. They told my bf everything that went on and every secret I told them they told him. He told me he was breaking up with me and I knew why. I got up out of my seat and ran out of class to my home. (No one was home) I threw my stuff on the ground a and cried for ever it felt like. But that is when I realized I couldn’t take it anymore and I over dosed… My mom came home soon and found me on the floor, soon I woke up in the hospital. Looking around not knowing where I was a nurse came over and told me what all had happen “please just stop I already know” I thought to myself “where is my mother” I thought again. But she left the hospital and didn’t come until 2 days later, she left me their depressed, worried, and scared. Didn’t call or anything. I was in their for a week because ” I wasn’t recovering and responding correctly” it was the worst week of my life. But then it happen again. It felt like it was on replay, I had the same nurse too. But this time my mom didn’t come till 4 days. They put me in this room with this window and it was close to the front desk so whenever someone would walk by the would just stare at me. But I was glad my mom didnt come actually she was pretty mean about it. If you ever have any thoughts like I did think again. Imagine what I could do to you, what if you failed like I did what would you tell your family and friends? It’s not time to end your life even if you are depressed go get help. It might be scary but in the end everything will be ok I promise. Just stay positive,
My fear is overcoming me and I feel like quitting everything and I’m tired of being me and my own personality. I’m tired. I hate this. So many things going on. Should I do what I love or should I do what my parents want? I know you would say something like,” of course what I love” but really it’s much harder than it looks. I can become successful, or a complete failure doing what I love, so what do I do now? I’m thinking way too much about my future when I still have this problem where I can’t solve and it makes me feel useless and quitting. Writing all this down only shed a bit of my worries. What do I do?
i always feel like i’m not wanted, or this is not where i should be. like life always has been and always will be unfair or against me personally. no matter how hard i try to press on, or do the right thing, nothing is ever good enough (it’s seems like). i can’t tell myself everything is going to be okay, because i know, or i feel, that once things start going good, it’s a matter of time before i hit the wall again and fall down. i can’t stay happy, or i don’t know how to be happy because life sucks right now (or that’s how it feels and seems). everybody knows what i’m going through, but nobody has an answer to pick me up. they all think i’m just a pessimistic person. I don’t think i’m depressed but i don’t know how to find the joy of anything, even being around the people i love and who love me the most. I AM….sad